


Bounty Hunters Beware

by somefangirl



Series: Friends and Family [11]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 04:13:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2567822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somefangirl/pseuds/somefangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One poor New World bounty hunter learns the hard way that you should never mess with Monkey D. Luffy, lest you want to face the wrath of the very protective Straw Hat Pirates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bounty Hunters Beware

**Author's Note:**

> I really like the OC I made in this chapter. Poor guy didn't know what he was getting into.
> 
> This was suggested by MarBuryBlur, (on fanfiction.net) and though it might not be exactly what they had in mind, I do hope you all enjoy it!

But I cannot get ahead of myself. I need to catch him first, I reminded myself. The 400 million can't just be for show. And as a strong pirate captain, he has obviously got to be vicious, bloodthirsty, scary, and cunning. I'll have to be careful if I want to- 

"What would you like, sir?" the bartender asked Straw Hat, stirring me out of my thoughts as the man I was just thinking of sat down in the seat to my right.

"Do you have any meat?" Straw Hat asked. ' _That's sort of vauge, though. What kind of meat does he want?_ ' I thought. And apparently, the bartender was thinking the same thing, for he also asked what kind he wanted.

"All of it." Straw Hat replied, as though it were obvious. The bartender made a slightly confused face, but then walked into the back to tell the chef what Straw Hat had ordered.

' _All of it? How on earth does this kid plan on eating that?_ ' I thought. The bartender walked back out again, and began tending to other costumers. I began thinking, running through ways to trick this pirate so I could capture him without a fight. But no, someone able to captain a crew in the New World would have to be intelligent. I'll have to step up my game if I want to avoid fighting. I could always-

"-ster! Hello?" Straw Hat said, waving his hand in my face.

"Oh, uh, yes?" I responded. I couldn't have been staring, could I? I could _not_ have been that obvious! He's on to me! Confrontation is unavoidable now! I certainly cannot beat him in battle, so I will have to run. Where are the windows here? Which one leads to the alley? How do I-

"-stening to me?" Straw Hat asked, waving his hand in my face again. Apparently, I had panicked and stopped paying attention to him.

"Oh, no, I apologize. Could you repeat the question? I didn't quite hear it." I said. He had the audacity to laugh.

"You're funny!" he said. I am not funny! I am a very serious and respectable person! I am dangerous! I am _not_ funny! One does not laugh at me! How dare he! Who does he think he is? Doesn't he realize I am a most famous and cunning bounty hunter around here? Who is he to-

...Right, Straw Hat Luffy, New World pirate, worth 400 million. Ok, so _maybe_ he can laugh _now_ , but who will be laughing when I have 400 million belli and he's in prison? Speaking of, I can't get my 400 million if I don't capture him.

"Excuse me, Mr. Straw Hat?" I asked. He looked over to me. "Can I buy you a drink?"

"Something to drink? Does it have meat?" he asked. Meat? Who drinks meat?

"N-no." I stuttered, because his question threw me completely off. What would that even taste like? What kind of meat, spceifically, is he asking for? What would the textu- nope, nevermind, I don't care.

"I was thinking something more along the lines of alcohol." I amended. I always use alcohol. That way, they assume any effects of the drug are them being drunk. Additionally, people are more likely to take up an offer for alcohol as opposed to, say, juice.

"Ok! Sure! You're nice, Mister!" Straw Hat said cheerfully. What kind of trusting... Is he an idiot?

"Bartender, sir?" I asked, getting the bartender's attention. I then ordered a drink, being sure the bartender knew to give it to me first, not Straw Hat. He came back a minute later, carrying a cup of rum. He set it in front of me, out of the kid's reach, yet before I could do anything to it, the kid took it! But it was _out of his reach_! I made sure of that! So how did he- he already drank it all. How did this even happen. Oh well, I'll just try again.

"No, you finished that too quickly!" I said. "Let me order you another one!" I insisted. Before he could respond, I ordered him another one. And though I tried to keep it from him, he once again took it before I could tamper with it. But it was out of his reach! So how...? Oh well, I'll just try again.

* * *

I have tried this at least _4 times_ now. I have yet to taint his drink. I have concluded this pirate has a Devil Fruit, because both his reach and his stomach are limitless and endless. When the bartender brought the food over, he ate _all of it._ An _entire bar's_ worth of meat. What on earth is this man.

His alcohol tolerance, however, is not limitless. And this was some strong alcohol. Straw Hat is incredibly drunk. I know this because he's been singing some old pirate song for the past five minutes, very loudly and very off key.

"Yohohoho!" he yelled, then hiccuped. "Yohohoho!" I don't even know what song he's singing. But, even if I couldn't use the drug, him being drunk is just as effective. All I have to do is take him to my ship, then tie him up when he passes out. Simple.

"Uh, Mr. Straw Hat? I think you're drunk." I said, tapping his shoulder. He stopped singing and turned to me.

"What're you talkin' 'bout?" he said, laughing. "I'm not" he hiccuped. "I'm not drunk! Stupid!" he laughed some more. I sighed.

"Yes, you are. Why not you come back to my ship with me? You certainly won't be able to make it back home in your state." I said.

"Ship... Yeah, ok." He agreed. I grabbed him arm and helped him stand. I certainly wasn't going to drag him back. That's much to tiring.

"This way." I said, trying to pull him along the dock.

"No. Ship's this way" Straw Hat pulled insistently to another dock. I ended up being dragged along. I don't understand how someone who cannot walk straight is able to pull me along like this. I do not understand where his is trying to take me. I told him I was taking him back to my ship. Unless... he's trying to take me to his ship? No, that cannot happen. While the captain is an idiot and is very trusting (as I learned through sitting in a bar with him for nearly twenty minutes), the crew will not be. There is no way they could survive if they were all as dumb and trusting as he is. And I doubt they would be so forgiving about me trying to capture and turn in their captain. But I cannot get ahead of myself. He could just be lost.

"Excuse me, Straw Hat? W-Where are we headed?" I asked. I cannot believe I stuttered. I have to be sure not to let my worries show.

"To th' _Sunny_!" Straw Hat cheered. "I wanna introduce ya to my crew!" he said. This was obviously a good thing for him, but not for me.

"N-no, that's fine, really." I said. There is no way I can take Straw Hat back to my ship, even drunk he is much too strong. I can almost see their ship from here. Dread settled in my stomach. The bounty isn't worth it! I value my life more!

"Heeeeeey!" Straw Hat yells loudly to his crew. He has most definitely got their attention now. A head of green hair poked over the side. That's Pirate Hunter Zoro. Another supernova, worth 120 million.

"Luffy! It took you long enough! I thought you had gotten lost or something!" He yelled. Straw Hat laughed.

"'S you who's always gettin' lost, Zoro! Not me!" he replied. That's when Pirate Hunter noticed that Straw Hat wasn't alone.

"Who's that with you? You're not recruiting "cool" strangers again, are you?" he yelled. So apparently Straw Hat does this often. I wonder, is it always unfortunate bounty hunters, or is it just anyone? Wait, wasn't Pirate Hunter a bounty hunter?

Hmmmmm...

Wait! I'm being dragged to death-by-angry-pirate-crew! I should do something about that!

"Excuse me, could you-" I tried to speak, but he cut me off in favor of continuing his conversation with Pirate Hunter.

"Nope! Made a friend! He kept buyin' me drinks at the bar! Feel funny now, though!" Straw Hat said, laughing and stumbling. But I was not feeling anywhere near as joyous. Pirate Hunter was giving me the deadliest glare I have ever seen. If I survive this, I'm never bounty hunting again.

...Or at least not big name pirates. A man has got to make a living.

"Who's your friend there?" Pirate Hunter asked.

"I dunno!" Straw Hat yelled happily. Oh, right, I guess I never did introduce myself.

"It's Felix." I said. Why would I say that? Now if any of their crew knows anything about bounty hunters, they will know who I am.

"'e said his name is Feelings!" Straw Hat yelled. Feelings? _Feelings_?

"I said Felix." I corrected him.

"Come on Feelings, we're gettin onboard." he said. But how are we supposed to do that? The ship is quite far away, and the ladder has not yet been lowered. Before I could voice these thoughts, however, my question was answered in the form of a stretching limb, reaching out and grabbing the ship's railing.

"What on e-aaaaaaaaaaa!" I screamed, as we flew through the air to the ship. What an undignified entrance, screaming. Pain blossomed on the right side of my head. Clearly, we had landed. I clutched the side of my head and groaned.

"Luffy, one of these days you're going to kill someone with that." a female voice said. I looked over to see an orange-haired woman. That's Cat Burglar Nami, worth 16 million.

"Sorry." Straw Hat said. He did not sound like he meant it, though.

"Who is this, anyway? Is Luffy recruiting strangers again?" Cat Burglar asked. Apparently this happens a lot.

"Luffy met him at the bar. Apparently, he bought Luffy multiple drinks." Pirate Hunter answered. I could tell by his tone he was not pleased with me.

"Oh, was he now?" Cat Burglar asked. I could tell by her tone she was equally unhappy with this.

"What's all the commotion out here?" said a masculine voice from behind me. I turned around, seeing a long-nosed man and a blond man with a curly eyebrow. Sogeking and Black Leg Sanji, worth 30 million and 77 million, respectively.

"Who's this? Is Luffy inviting more strangers to join the crew?" Sogeking asked. How often does Straw Hat invite people to join his crew? There are only 8 other members!

"No" Cat Burglar responded coldly "Or, at least I don't think Luffy has asked him yet. Luffy says he met this an at the bar, and he bought Luffy multiple drinks." Both of them turned to glare at me. The end is near.

"Is Luffy-bro back yet? I got a SUPER new invention I'd like to- who's the dude on deck?" another masculine voice asked. I turned to my left, where it was coming from. It was Cyborg, worth 44 million. I noticed my exits were slowly being blocked, as Straw Hat Pirates were coming from all directions. I also noticed another figure at the edge of vision. Looking around, I noticed that all 9 Straw Hats were on deck at this point. I don't usually use language so crude, but there is no better way to say this but simply: I am so, completely, hugely, royally screwed.

"He's... dammit, we've explained this three times, now." Pirate Hunter said. "Luffy met him at the bar, and he bought multiple drinks for Luffy." All eyes turned to me, and I felt quite vulnerable in the circle of glares I was getting. And Straw Hat didn't seem to notice at all.

"What kind of drinks?" Cotton Candy Lover, the Straw Hat Pirates' pet, worth 50 belli, asked. The others stopped with their glaring to exchange a few _how-do-we-put-this_ glances.

"I don' feel so good..." Straw Hat complained from the ground. Cotton Candy Lover immediately panicked.

"Oh no! Luffy's sick! Somebody call a doctor!" he yelled.

"You're the doctor!" the rest of the crew yelled at him. Wait, the pet is the crew's doctor?

"Why don't you take Luffy to the infirmary and we'll take care of our guest here, ok?" Cat Burglar suggested. Cotton Candy Lover nodded and went to get Straw Hat. But he's so small, how does he plan on- Just then, Cotton Candy Lover grew to a much larger size, bigger than I am, scooped Straw Hat up in his arms and walked away into what I assume was the infirmary. All eyes went back to me.

"I don't suppose I could simply apologize and be on my way?" I asked. I was ignored.

"Who are you?" Pirate Hunter asked, hand moving to his swords.

"A pirate? Bounty hunter? Marine?" I didn't know exactly how to respond. Which response would end the least painfully?

"I thought I heard you say your name is Felix. Is that true?" Demon Child Nico Robin, worth 80 million, asked. I just nodded, and she smiled.

"What're you smiling about, Robin? You know who this is?" Sogeking asked.

"Robin-chwan's so pretty when she's figuring things out!" Black Leg cried and swooned. What an odd man.

"Felix is the name of a bounty hunter who's turned in many bounties around here. You wouldn't happen to be him, would you?" she asked, though unfortunately, it was obvious to everyone what the answer was.

"So you're a bounty hunter, huh? And you thought you could catch our captain and turn him in, didn't you?" Sogeking asked. "See, the thing is, Luffy is going to be the Pirate King. So he needs a strong crew to support him. So even if you caught Luffy, did you really think we wouldn't catch you?"

"We've decided to follow such a reckless captain, did you really think you could just take him? And that you get off free of charge?" Black Leg asked.

"Luffy-san is always saving us, without even knowing he's doing it half of the time." Soul King, worth 33 million, said. I had always liked Soul King's music, and has always wanted to meet him. This is not quite what I had in mind, though.

"It's about time we repaid the favor" Cyborg said.

"Warn all your other bounty hunter friends." Pirate Hunter said. "Tell them, 'Bounty hunters beware: If you take on one Straw Hat Pirate'"

"You take on the whole crew!" The rest of them said together. While I was mildly impressed with the fact they had all been able to finish his sentence, I was mostly incredibly intimidated. And at that moment, when all of them had their weapons drawn and were circled around me, making vicious faces, killing intent radiating off them, I learned the true meaning of fear.

* * *

"Hey Felix! Where ya been? I haven't seen ya in forever! And what's up with all them bandages?" Mike asked as I walked into the bar. He was a friend of mine who was also in the bounty hunting business. "I heard the Straw Hat Pirates were an island over. Me 'en Lacy were thinkin' of headin' over and tryin' to catch one of 'em and turnin' 'em in! Wanna come with us? We'll split the bounty up evenly, so you'll get yer share!"

"I would prefer not to. After all, if you take on one Straw Hat Pirate, you take on the whole crew." I said. 

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so, this was fun to write! I enjoy writing Felix, I just love the way he talks! I hope you enjoy this as much as I did! 
> 
> Like I said, this was suggested by MarBuryBlur on fanfiction.net
> 
> If you liked this story, subscribe to the series for more (unrealted) oneshots!


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